To parent is to nurture your children like a garden—tending, guiding, and hoping for growth. We want the best for our children, but reality reminds us that we can’t manufacture their happiness. Parenting isn’t about granting every wish or shielding them from every challenge. It’s about encouraging them with love and helping them build the resilience and responsibility to create their own joy in life.
Consider your childhood. What brought you happiness? Perhaps it was a toy, a treat, or simply feeling safe, valued, and trusted. Much of what shapes us happens beneath the surface, and research backs this up. According to the American Psychological Association, children thrive when they understand what’s expected of them and receive consistent support. They struggle the most when their every desire is instantly fulfilled. It’s the presence of a parent—steadily encouraging, gently correcting—that helps children believe in themselves.
But we must tread carefully. Consider the child who’s never been told “no,” who receives everything they want regardless of how they behave. What may seem like love, always giving in, can foster entitlement and the belief that life should conform to their wishes. Child development experts warn that when children are handed everything without effort or boundaries, they often struggle later with adversity, disappointment, and frustration. True happiness is not found in constant gratification but in developing the strength to overcome life’s inevitable challenges.
Of course, parents can’t control everything. Every child comes with a unique personality, individual desires, and occasional defiance. A shy child may be happiest curled up with a book, while an extroverted one thrives in the middle of a crowd. Trying to mold them into something they’re not won’t change who they are. Nor can we predict all the influences the world will have on them. That, too, is part of their journey. Decades of research, such as the Harvard Grant Study, have shown that long-term happiness is more closely tied to deep relationships and adaptability than to wealth or ease.
So, what does all this mean for us as parents? Maybe the answer is found in those in-between years—somewhere between undergrad and the “real world.” Parenting is feeding not just your child’s body but their soul, showing them that life doesn’t always go their way, and that’s okay. It means saying “no” to screens, letting them face boredom, and discovering what they truly enjoy. It means stepping back, allowing them to make mistakes, and trusting they’ll learn how to cope. If we spend all our energy trying to make our children smile in every moment, we may raise children who fall apart when things inevitably go wrong.
This isn’t easy. Every parent knows the ache of hearing their child cry. But maybe, just maybe, the real gift is teaching them how to handle life’s bumps and bruises with grace. So the next time you’re unsure how to encourage your child, ask yourself, Am I helping them feel loved and capable within our family, or just trying to avoid discomfort?
Because who you are today doesn’t just shape your day. It shapes their character.
Would you rather give your children everything they desire or teach them how to work for what they need and discover the joy of earning it?
